We spend a lot of time thinking about what's wrong with us. We don't spend much time thinking about our strengths and what makes us amazing.
We've learned that makes us seem arrogant or conceited. It also opens us to being whacked down like a tall poppy....
But suddenly you’re ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you’re alive and its spectacular. - Joseph Campbell
We're all afraid of pain. We have to override every natural instinct that tells us to run from it. Running from pain is the natural thing to do.
Sitting with pain, and learning from pain, is counter-intuitive. It feels …. painful and shitty and gut-wrenching and heart-breaking. We don't like it.
I tried for a long time to run from pain. That's what I knew. I had lots of coping mechanisms to help me. Food restriction, control, and working myself into the ground - to name a few.
Hon? Are you ok?” I looked up, my face covered in tears and snot. “I’m not sure”, I said.
I wasn’t sure. That was the hardest part.
More nights than not I found myself curled in a ball against the back wall of our walk in closet, my head on my knees. My husband would leave me, mostly, knowing that I needed the space. He’d check on me though, too. That time was hard on both of us.
“Stop saying sorry”, he said. “It’s fine. And you should consider apologizing less.”
I hardly know this man, except for our conversations in the coffee shop.
My face flashed hot. My heart jumped awkwardly to my throat, and then back down.
His comment kind of pissed me off.
Actually, no. It did piss me off.