You Suck! When to Take Negative Feedback and When to Leave It

You Suck! When to Take Negative Feedback and When to Leave It

Last month I wrote about positive feedback.  We all love it, but it can be hard to truly appreciate. This month - negative feedback.  No one loves it, and it can be even harder to accept.

In nature, or mechanics, "negative" feedback is designed to equalise.  A thermostat will turn off the heat when it reaches a certain temperature. Photosynthesis in plants which will speed up with increased levels of carbon dioxide.  It keeps things in balance.

For us, it tends to cause a shutdown.  We feel small, unworthy. It throws us off balance.

Believe Them The First Time

Believe Them The First Time

Compliments are hard for me. 

I really love positive feedback.  That's not the problem.  The problem I have is believing it.

People can rave about my coaching, tell me they love my writing or a talk I've done, and instead of taking it in the spirit in which it was offered, often I'll dismiss it - or go looking for the next one.  

It's as though I need another dose to affirm the first one was correct.

From Eating Disorder to Diagnosis of Chronic Anxiety & Depression, Sonia Voldseth Found Self Love

I was asked by the inspirational author Neary Heng to share my story about overcoming. You'll know I don't believe in labels defining us, and we talked a whole lot about that.  

Neary's own inspirational story about overcoming unimaginable challenges growing up in the Killing Fields, Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge regime, and her subsequent quest for fulfilment and purpose, is a testament to what we can achieve. 

Together we created a Podcast in two parts. Click on the play button below to hear parts 1 and 2: 

Part 1 deals primarily with the crappy messaging all women deal with around our bodies and finding body love - wherever you're at in your journey.

Part 2 looks at why we shouldn't treat our mental health any differently than our physical health, reducing stigma, and how to love yourself through mental health challenges - particularly anxiety and depression.

You are seen. You are heard. You are understood.  You've got this. 

You are So Much More Than You Think You Are

You are So Much More Than You Think You Are

You are so much more than you think you are.  You have unlimited potential, gifts to share, and a hopeful life to live.

We all do. But we hold ourselves back.  We settle. We troll ourselves by being mean and spiteful in our heads.

The troll tells us we're not good enough, we're too much, that we're the labels we carry, or that dream is for someone else. 

This is not true of course, and we have an inkling that it's not.  There's an anti-troll in there that allows us to continue to believe in goals, to make resolutions and to believe we deserve more, even if we're not sure how to get it. 

For a long time I set goals incessantly and met many of them through sheer willpower and stubbornness.  I was driven and miserable.  It turns out this isn't the most effective or sustainable way to go about things. 

Then I stopped setting goals, thinking they were only for driven, determined folks full of self-hatred who were never going to see the truth of who they are. That wasn't it either.

Now I'm trying to stand on a middle ground. 

I have big goals.  I'm thinking you do too. 

What I know now is that we can aim for a healthy sense of respect for what we offer - whatever that is -  without it becoming the source of our self-worth. 

We can let Source drive us instead.  We participate and work and recognise our highest potential, but it comes from a different place.  We can still dream big, and we should, because that's part of what makes life special.

The trick is letting go of more outcomes and trusting that we are enough. Telling the troll (often) to get back under the bridge because we've got things to do.

This new year gives you a chance to play with that.  To find who you really are and to sustain it from a different place. 

The only lasting foundation for a fulfilled life is self-love. Find it, keep returning to it, and you cross any bridge and do anything you set your mind to.  I believe in you. 

Keep going. Keep moving toward love and the healthy pursuit of happiness,


Endings and Beginnings - Our Capacity to Rise

Endings and Beginnings - Our Capacity to Rise

Endings and beginnings. 

It's the season to ponder what we've done, what we've left undone (filling the advent calendar pocket again) and what we want to do moving forward. 

Traditionally, I've needed to do the Daily Grinch Check, to ensure I wasn't spreading more Bah Humbugs than cheer.  This year, more magic has found its way in.  I'm letting things be.  

I've also not been a fan of New Year's Resolutions.  I've viewed them as another way for people to set goals and then beat themselves up for not achieving them.  I prefer New Year's REVolutions - a way for us to nurture self-love throughout the year, using our goals as a springboard.

This year, a middle ground, a much more fertile ground -  has arrived.  Ouroboros.

What Are You Trying to Prove?

What Are You Trying to Prove?

I've had to ask myself this question too many times to count. What is it exactly that I'm trying to prove?

And it always comes back to this.  Am I good enough? Yet?

I was having a conversation with my hairdresser/landscaper this morning about the need to prove ourselves.  She sports red painted toenails, shiny blonde hair and legs that seem to reach her neck.  Also, on her days not being a hairdresser, she lifts heavy rocks all day.  Somehow she pulls this off. Also, she admitted that it's really hard to be a feminist and to ask for help.  

I Can't Do Everything, But I Can Do Something

I Can't Do Everything, But I Can Do Something

We need each other more than ever. We really do.

I read a proverb the other day that said, It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.

That seems the only way forward to me, probably to most of us. Also, it's also incredibly overwhelming. We all get caught up in our daily lives. We may feel overcome with sadness, pain or guilt about what is happening around us. We probably feel unsure what to do, thinking that it won't be enough. 

Does The World Feel Too Loud? The Importance Of Quiet

Does The World Feel Too Loud? The Importance Of Quiet

Do you ever feel like the world we live in is overwhelmingly loud?

We are bombarded with multiple forms of technology (often all at once), marketing everywhere, music blaring everywhere, vehicles, neighbours, barking dogs and all sorts of other things can be hard. Overwhelming. Difficult to deal with. 

I don't mean loud just in the sense of what we hear.  I mean an assault on all our senses.