Are You Addicted to Perfection? (And How to Overcome It)

Are You Addicted to Perfection? (And How to Overcome It)

I'm a recovering perfectionist.  When I look back at my journey, I notice how many disguises my perfectionism has taken.  Another weight loss plan, another exercise regime, another facial care trial, another degree, another course, another bit of research, more self-improvement, another look at what I've written, a few more edits...  Even my spirituality became a quest for perfection (enlightenment).

It's exhausting.

What I eventually figured out is that the point of this life wasn't to attain perfection after all.  Instead, it is to come to terms with my whole messy, chaotic, socially "unacceptable" self.

Is Mindfulness Really All It's Cracked Up To Be?

Is Mindfulness Really All It's Cracked Up To Be?

Is mindfulness really all it's cracked up to be? 

Yes. 13 years ago,  the practices of meditation and mindfulness helped save me from myself.  And I've seen over and over how much they've helped other people too.

It's exciting that mindfulness and meditation have found their way into popular culture.  At last, they have been scientifically proven to help with our minds and our bodies. 

But is there a difference between the two?  It can be confusing.

Ever Feel Like a Total Imposter in Your Own Life?

Ever Feel Like a Total Imposter in Your Own Life?

Have you ever felt like an imposter in your own life?

Imposter syndrome is when people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalised fear of being exposed as a fraud. 

I've definitely felt it. Many, many times in my life. 
It's another way to make ourselves not enough.  To devalue ourselves and what we have to offer.  And it's another tool our ego uses to make sure we don't reach our potential. 

The Glorification of Busy and How It's Making Us Exhausted

The Glorification of Busy and How It's Making Us Exhausted

At just about every coffee shop or supermarket line I've been in for the past couple years, people no longer ask "How are you?" Instead they ask, "You busy?"

Busy is the new buzz word, and I've had so many conversations lately with people who are sick of being so busy, so run down, and so exhausted but also aren't sure how to get off the hamster wheel.  We can get so caught up in the hustle, it's hard to see a way out. 

But see a way out we must, because the glorification of busy is killing us. 

When to Take Negative Feedback and When to Leave It

When to Take Negative Feedback and When to Leave It

Last month I wrote about positive feedback.  We all love it, but it can be hard to truly appreciate. This month - negative feedback.  No one loves it, and it can be even harder to accept.

In nature, or mechanics, "negative" feedback is designed to equalise.  A thermostat will turn off the heat when it reaches a certain temperature. Photosynthesis in plants which will speed up with increased levels of carbon dioxide.  It keeps things in balance.

For us, it tends to cause a shutdown.  We feel small, unworthy. It throws us off balance.

Believe Them The First Time

Believe Them The First Time

Compliments are hard for me. 

I really love positive feedback.  That's not the problem.  The problem I have is believing it.

People can rave about my coaching, tell me they love my writing or a talk I've done, and instead of taking it in the spirit in which it was offered, often I'll dismiss it - or go looking for the next one.  

It's as though I need another dose to affirm the first one was correct.

From Eating Disorder to Diagnosis of Chronic Anxiety & Depression, Sonia Voldseth Found Self Love

I was asked by the inspirational author Neary Heng to share my story about overcoming. You'll know I don't believe in labels defining us, and we talked a whole lot about that.  

Neary's own inspirational story about overcoming unimaginable challenges growing up in the Killing Fields, Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge regime, and her subsequent quest for fulfilment and purpose, is a testament to what we can achieve. 

Together we created a Podcast in two parts. Click on the play button below to hear parts 1 and 2: 

Part 1 deals primarily with the crappy messaging all women deal with around our bodies and finding body love - wherever you're at in your journey.

Part 2 looks at why we shouldn't treat our mental health any differently than our physical health, reducing stigma, and how to love yourself through mental health challenges - particularly anxiety and depression.

You are seen. You are heard. You are understood.  You've got this. 

You are So Much More Than You Think You Are

You are So Much More Than You Think You Are

You are so much more than you think you are.  You have unlimited potential, gifts to share, and a hopeful life to live.

We all do. But we hold ourselves back.  We settle. We troll ourselves by being mean and spiteful in our heads.

The troll tells us we're not good enough, we're too much, that we're the labels we carry, or that dream is for someone else. 

This is not true of course, and we have an inkling that it's not.  There's an anti-troll in there that allows us to continue to believe in goals, to make resolutions and to believe we deserve more, even if we're not sure how to get it. 

For a long time I set goals incessantly and met many of them through sheer willpower and stubbornness.  I was driven and miserable.  It turns out this isn't the most effective or sustainable way to go about things. 

Then I stopped setting goals, thinking they were only for driven, determined folks full of self-hatred who were never going to see the truth of who they are. That wasn't it either.

Now I'm trying to stand on a middle ground. 

I have big goals.  I'm thinking you do too. 

What I know now is that we can aim for a healthy sense of respect for what we offer - whatever that is -  without it becoming the source of our self-worth. 

We can let Source drive us instead.  We participate and work and recognise our highest potential, but it comes from a different place.  We can still dream big, and we should, because that's part of what makes life special.

The trick is letting go of more outcomes and trusting that we are enough. Telling the troll (often) to get back under the bridge because we've got things to do.

This new year gives you a chance to play with that.  To find who you really are and to sustain it from a different place. 

The only lasting foundation for a fulfilled life is self-love. Find it, keep returning to it, and you cross any bridge and do anything you set your mind to.  I believe in you. 

Keep going. Keep moving toward love and the healthy pursuit of happiness,