I've had to ask myself this question too many times to count. What is it exactly that I'm trying to prove?
And it always comes back to this. Am I good enough? Yet?
I was having a conversation with my hairdresser/landscaper this morning about the need to prove ourselves. She sports red painted toenails, shiny blonde hair and legs that seem to reach her neck. Also, on her days not being a hairdresser, she lifts heavy rocks all day. Somehow she pulls this off. Also, she admitted that it's really hard to be a feminist and to ask for help.
I really felt that.
I've always hated asking for help, and I'm still not particularly good at it.
Why? Lots of reasons. I grew up self-sufficient, knowing that I could do most everything myself, and plenty annoyed at the implications that I couldn't.
But I also ended up hurting myself a lot in the name of proving how strong I was (at 5'2" and 100 pounds). One time I got kicked in the ribs by a cow. It cracked 6 or 7 of them. I carried on working, carrying 50 pound straw bales until it was time for my shift to end. The men respected me more - but I lost a little more self-respect. I pushed through, again, and slowed down the healing process. Not only of my body, but of my mind too. Then again, my mind wasn't ready for that realisation.
What I know to be true now is that it's only by stepping into my own power that I gain that respect back.
It's always there, waiting to be recovered. And I think that's true for all of us. Power with-in and then power with-out.
There are 2 types (at least) of power.
- Authentic, Purposeful Power.
- Marianne Williamson said it beautifully. Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure… This is the power that comes from within. The power of stepping into who we really are and knowing that it is enough. That really being who we are, underneath all the conditioning that tells us we're not enough, is the most powerful thing we can do. This type of power gives us the ability, should we choose to step into it, to make great change for ourselves and the world around us.
- The Abuse of Power
- I had a boss once (when I worked in politics) with this as his screensaver. The only abuse of political power is its non-use. In many ways he couldn’t help having this point of view. Boys are conditioned to believe that power is their ticket to being good enough. It’s rife and it is one of the most damaging collective shadows in the world right now. This is the power that equals status. People think that when they have more status they have more power. It's true, until it's not. Because when the status is gone, what is left?
It's time to step up into the first one. To really be you. To really know that you are enough.
Everything comes from that. I promise it's a game-changer. And I believe in you.
Keep going and keep moving toward love and the healthy pursuit of happiness,