Believe Them The First Time

Compliments are hard for me. 

I really love positive feedback.  That's not the problem.  The problem I have is believing it.

People can rave about my coaching, tell me they love my writing or a talk I've done, and instead of taking it in the spirit in which it was offered, often I'll dismiss it - or go looking for the next one.  

It's as though I need another dose to affirm the first one was correct.

Some would say this is because I have low self-esteem and a compliment is contrary to what I believe about myself, and therefore I can't accept it.  I'd be more likely to seek out someone who consistently gives me negative feedback in order to verify my own world-view.  In general terms, yes. We do seek out relationships and people to verify the world-views we hold about ourselves.

Then again, I think all of us need to hear more positive feedback - both in our own heads and from other people. 

So I'm going to stop saying ....

Surely he didn't mean that.  Surely she was just being kind.  Surely they just didn't see anything better.

Why?  Because it's disrespectful to the person who gave the compliment not to believe them.  It's as though I'm saying, Your opinion is crap.  Why should I believe YOU?  Give me more. Prove it. 

They shouldn't have to prove it. 

We probably all have a history of someone saying something nice because they had an agenda.  That happens much more often than it should (my kids have been known to engage in this tactic!).  But it's also pretty easy to feel the spirit in which something is offered.  

We know when it's genuine.  We know when we could be feeding the part of ourselves that believes the best in us. 

Listen to that part.  Let it in.  I heard someone recommend once that we spend at least 20 seconds on any positive feedback.  That's what I'm doing.  20 seconds on the positive.

Allowing myself to believe it.  Soaking it up.  Will you do it with me? 

Next time, more on negative feedback - when to listen (when it's constructive) and when to ignore it. 

Until then...

Keep going. Keep moving toward love and the healthy pursuit of happiness,

Love and Blessings,

Sonia

 

Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash